"Honey I have a secret to tell you"
"Ooookkkay, what is it?"
"I cheated today."
"What?!?"
"The plantain chips that have been sitting in the kitchen finally got to me and I just had to have something salty and crunchy. I ate 10 and of them and then threw the rest away."
"Why didn't you just eat strawberries, you were doing so good"
"Because I wanted salty and crunchy and strawberries aren't either"
Before T came home I struggled with admitting my failure because I had convinced myself if I didn't say it outloud it didn't really happen. I realized that the only way I could get over the slip was to talk to him about it. He said that if he were a mean person he would give me a hard time but instead he wanted to be supportive and so he made me pinky swear that I wouldn't cheat again. T knows what a big deal pinky swears are to me and he knew that if I did a pinky swear with him I wouldn't go back on my word- it was the best way he knew to support me because I felt terrible!! A pinky swear is something I use to tell if someone is telling me the truth or to hold them to a promise -- if you break it, I am through with you.
I made it over a month without ever cheating and I am proud of that. I also realize that I only ate 10 plantain chips and the bags have been sitting on my breakfast nook since January and so for 3 months I walked away from them. I am taking the other bag and hiding it in a cabinet. This is one of the tactics I learned in my last class.
The other tactics I learned were
1) Distinguish between emotional and physical hunger (I knew I was emotionally hungry but I ate anyway)
2) Cue control - avoid, delay, substitute, and distract (I did avoid and delay, but there was no choice of substitution and I didn't delay)
3) Mindfulness in eating (I simply lost my mind!)
These tactics all boil down to breathing and relaxing because the higher your level of arousal the more vulnerable you are. I can't say that I'll be perfect but I am always learning and striving to put the things I learn into practice.
3 comments:
April, you're doing really well. I think it's a huge step to understand how harmful hiding your slips can be to you emotionally. By coming clean, you engaged your partner in your process and allowed him to understand better how to help you. Good job!
I still struggle with this and actually have just made a post on my blog about sneak-eating. I think it may be my last barrier to reaching my goal weight and my goal of being obsessed about food.
All the best,
Maura
maurastoolbox.blogspot.com
April, I think you were courageous in admiting to your slip. It is so true that if you don't say it out loud maybe we can pretend it didnt happen? Unfortunately, that is not reality. I have found that by not leaving food in plain sight that I am less likely to see it as an option. I hope you post more soon. Myla
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