Milestones

Geeesh! I barely have time these days to even breathe so I am having to make an extra effort to blog since it is so important for me to remember these times. (whine whine whine)

Mondays are my weekly personal weigh-in day and yesterday I reached a new milestone in my life. I weighed 184 which is officially my lowest adult weight ever (probably since I was 15 years old). I couldn't believe it - I just stared at the scale in awe. It's funny how it was less climatic than I had imagined it before. Although, the best part of my day was when my trainer, who I absolutely adore, was so excited for me that she actually did a cartwheel in the middle of the gym. Usually it's me making strange noises or faces and causing a scene - but not this time!

The truth is that although I am very proud of myself, my mind still has not caught up with my body. I still feel like I weigh a lot more than I do and it is hard to not still feel fat. Although I can now wear a size 12 and sometimes 10 and I am officially out of plus sizes again, I still am conscious of my middle that I affectionately think of as my muffin top (although now it is a half eaten muffin top!). As one of my group members so insightfully said: "it takes a long time to drain the deep end of the pool" and I am just waiting for my deep end to drain - my arms, legs, and face are making great strides, but not so much on the middle. I honestly hate my middle fat and I hope that as I continue to lose weight my mind will finally catch up with my body and feel fit and fabulous. I don't want to be so hard on myself and I want to revel in my fabulous accomplishment (Why, as women, are we so hard on ourselves anyway?) I could probably write a novel on that topic, but for now I have to go study for my 1st classes of my second term. It's pathetic that I haven't even been to a class yet for this new term, but I had major readings and analysis to do in all four of the classes. Blah!

My how time flies....

I can't believe it has been a month since I posted anything. I hate that and I know I'll regret not having the posts to look back at after my journey, but life just gets in the way. The good news is I am down 35 pounds and I have made it through my first term of classes, fighting with my boss to stay in school and I am mostly through my busiest season at work.

Since the slip, I have definately cheated more - but the cheats have been very controlled and thoughtful. This time last year I was gaining weight instead of losing it and even though I haven't been perfect, I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished through this tremendously busy and stressful time. I too have realized, like Myla that I do better if food is not in sight because as soon as I feel stressed or overwhelmed the sight of food triggers my desire to eat, even if I'm not hungry.

I have reached some milestones recently that I wouldn't have believed 2 months ago- my suits I bought 2 years ago now fit and so I have gained back my wardrobe of suits - I wore a size 10 skirt yesterday, even though I'm really a 12 - I am less than 4 pounds away from my lowest weight since I was 15 - I am getting compliment

s from people I barely know and didn't realize would even notice me - I am growing more confident about my ability to control my eating behavoirs - and most of all, I believe in me and that feels incredible!!!

I promise myself to write more in the coming weeks, there are some more insights I'd like to remember - I just wish I could add a few hours to each day!