Geeesh! I barely have time these days to even breathe so I am having to make an extra effort to blog since it is so important for me to remember these times. (whine whine whine)
Mondays are my weekly personal weigh-in day and yesterday I reached a new milestone in my life. I weighed 184 which is officially my lowest adult weight ever (probably since I was 15 years old). I couldn't believe it - I just stared at the scale in awe. It's funny how it was less climatic than I had imagined it before. Although, the best part of my day was when my trainer, who I absolutely adore, was so excited for me that she actually did a cartwheel in the middle of the gym. Usually it's me making strange noises or faces and causing a scene - but not this time!
The truth is that although I am very proud of myself, my mind still has not caught up with my body. I still feel like I weigh a lot more than I do and it is hard to not still feel fat. Although I can now wear a size 12 and sometimes 10 and I am officially out of plus sizes again, I still am conscious of my middle that I affectionately think of as my muffin top (although now it is a half eaten muffin top!). As one of my group members so insightfully said: "it takes a long time to drain the deep end of the pool" and I am just waiting for my deep end to drain - my arms, legs, and face are making great strides, but not so much on the middle. I honestly hate my middle fat and I hope that as I continue to lose weight my mind will finally catch up with my body and feel fit and fabulous. I don't want to be so hard on myself and I want to revel in my fabulous accomplishment (Why, as women, are we so hard on ourselves anyway?) I could probably write a novel on that topic, but for now I have to go study for my 1st classes of my second term. It's pathetic that I haven't even been to a class yet for this new term, but I had major readings and analysis to do in all four of the classes. Blah!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
My how time flies....
I can't believe it has been a month since I posted anything. I hate that and I know I'll regret not having the posts to look back at after my journey, but life just gets in the way. The good news is I am down 35 pounds and I have made it through my first term of classes, fighting with my boss to stay in school and I am mostly through my busiest season at work. 
Since the slip, I have definately cheated more - but the cheats have been very controlled and thoughtful. This time last year I was gaining weight instead of losing it and even though I haven't been perfect, I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished through this tremendously busy and stressful time. I too have realized, like Myla that I do better if food is not in sight because as soon as I feel stressed or overwhelmed the sight of food triggers my desire to eat, even if I'm not hungry.
Since the slip, I have definately cheated more - but the cheats have been very controlled and thoughtful. This time last year I was gaining weight instead of losing it and even though I haven't been perfect, I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished through this tremendously busy and stressful time. I too have realized, like Myla that I do better if food is not in sight because as soon as I feel stressed or overwhelmed the sight of food triggers my desire to eat, even if I'm not hungry.
I have reached some milestones recently that I wouldn't have believed 2 months ago- my suits I bought 2 years ago now fit and so I have gained back my wardrobe of suits - I wore a size 10 skirt yesterday, even though I'm really a 12 - I am less than 4 pounds away from my lowest weight since I was 15 - I am getting compliment
s from people I barely know and didn't realize would even notice me - I am growing more confident about my ability to control my eating behavoirs - and most of all, I believe in me and that feels incredible!!!
I promise myself to write more in the coming weeks, there are some more insights I'd like to remember - I just wish I could add a few hours to each day!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Pinky Swears
"Honey I have a secret to tell you"
"Ooookkkay, what is it?"
"I cheated today."
"What?!?"
"The plantain chips that have been sitting in the kitchen finally got to me and I just had to have something salty and crunchy. I ate 10 and of them and then threw the rest away."
"Why didn't you just eat strawberries, you were doing so good"
"Because I wanted salty and crunchy and strawberries aren't either"
Before T came home I struggled with admitting my failure because I had convinced myself if I didn't say it outloud it didn't really happen. I realized that the only way I could get over the slip was to talk to him about it. He said that if he were a mean person he would give me a hard time but instead he wanted to be supportive and so he made me pinky swear that I wouldn't cheat again. T knows what a big deal pinky swears are to me and he knew that if I did a pinky swear with him I wouldn't go back on my word- it was the best way he knew to support me because I felt terrible!! A pinky swear is something I use to tell if someone is telling me the truth or to hold them to a promise -- if you break it, I am through with you.
I made it over a month without ever cheating and I am proud of that. I also realize that I only ate 10 plantain chips and the bags have been sitting on my breakfast nook since January and so for 3 months I walked away from them. I am taking the other bag and hiding it in a cabinet. This is one of the tactics I learned in my last class.
The other tactics I learned were
1) Distinguish between emotional and physical hunger (I knew I was emotionally hungry but I ate anyway)
2) Cue control - avoid, delay, substitute, and distract (I did avoid and delay, but there was no choice of substitution and I didn't delay)
3) Mindfulness in eating (I simply lost my mind!)
These tactics all boil down to breathing and relaxing because the higher your level of arousal the more vulnerable you are. I can't say that I'll be perfect but I am always learning and striving to put the things I learn into practice.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Red Letter Day
After four weeks on Optifast I officially lost 18.5 pounds! This is really hard to put out for all the world to read, but I am so excited that I just have to share -- today was one of my "allowable" weigh in days and when I stepped on the scale I was below 200 lbs for the first time in two and a half years. Only once in my adult life have I been there before. It feels great to be getting closer to my goal and seeing more and more changes every day.
I was talking to a coworker the other day about how difficult it is to maintain weight loss and I mentioned that you never actually lose your fat cells when you lose weight. You can shrink them but they won't go away. She was shocked by this and never heard that. The truth is this extra weight I carry will always be a part of me even when it does become less. It lives in my memory and unfortunately, much like an elephant, the fat cell never forgets. It reminds me of a book that we read as a kid that was about an elephant..."an elephant won't forget you when your happy, an elephant won't forget you when your sad, an elephant knows the secret to remembering it all is learning from the good times and the bad".
I truly believe this is why people who have been overweight much of their lives have a harder time losing or even just maintaining weight loss. The good news is there is one way to get rid of fat cells - you can get them sucked out with liposuction, but thats another surgery I am not sure I would want to endure.
Knowing that I have to monitor what I eat for the rest of my life is a bit daunting, but I hope that eventually my good eating practices become a habit. I have to start by recognizing when I am responding to an emotional need or impulse. Choice is power. I can exercise power over a situation by choosing my response instead of allowing something to happen to me. The psychologist at my meeting pointed out that when you see yourself as a victim you lose power and become hapless. "I can't believe I just ate that chocolate bar" sets me up for disappointment, shame and embarassment - I am so out-of-control that I couldn't even make myself not eat one chocolate bar! "I chose to eat that chocolate bar" removes the emotional hook - it allows me to feel ownership and responsibility without the overwhelming disappointment, and allows me to observe my choice and make changes should I want to choose differently next time.
I can shed my emotional baggage and empower myself because true success isn't absolute abstinence - true success is choice. If I can identify and address the underlying emotional need I am on my way to success. Of course, we all know - eating comfort food doesn't help the actual situation. No matter how much spinach and artichoke dip you eat, your co-workers will not treat you better and your job won't be any more satisfying. No matter how many chocolate bars you consume, your boss won't show you more respect and you won't win the lottery. Just like alcohol and drugs, any comfort derived from emotional eating is false and temporary. If I can just remember that when I am craving food I just might be alright!
I was talking to a coworker the other day about how difficult it is to maintain weight loss and I mentioned that you never actually lose your fat cells when you lose weight. You can shrink them but they won't go away. She was shocked by this and never heard that. The truth is this extra weight I carry will always be a part of me even when it does become less. It lives in my memory and unfortunately, much like an elephant, the fat cell never forgets. It reminds me of a book that we read as a kid that was about an elephant..."an elephant won't forget you when your happy, an elephant won't forget you when your sad, an elephant knows the secret to remembering it all is learning from the good times and the bad".
I truly believe this is why people who have been overweight much of their lives have a harder time losing or even just maintaining weight loss. The good news is there is one way to get rid of fat cells - you can get them sucked out with liposuction, but thats another surgery I am not sure I would want to endure.
Knowing that I have to monitor what I eat for the rest of my life is a bit daunting, but I hope that eventually my good eating practices become a habit. I have to start by recognizing when I am responding to an emotional need or impulse. Choice is power. I can exercise power over a situation by choosing my response instead of allowing something to happen to me. The psychologist at my meeting pointed out that when you see yourself as a victim you lose power and become hapless. "I can't believe I just ate that chocolate bar" sets me up for disappointment, shame and embarassment - I am so out-of-control that I couldn't even make myself not eat one chocolate bar! "I chose to eat that chocolate bar" removes the emotional hook - it allows me to feel ownership and responsibility without the overwhelming disappointment, and allows me to observe my choice and make changes should I want to choose differently next time.
I can shed my emotional baggage and empower myself because true success isn't absolute abstinence - true success is choice. If I can identify and address the underlying emotional need I am on my way to success. Of course, we all know - eating comfort food doesn't help the actual situation. No matter how much spinach and artichoke dip you eat, your co-workers will not treat you better and your job won't be any more satisfying. No matter how many chocolate bars you consume, your boss won't show you more respect and you won't win the lottery. Just like alcohol and drugs, any comfort derived from emotional eating is false and temporary. If I can just remember that when I am craving food I just might be alright!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words
Okay, so like I said before I wanted to post some pictures of not only my progress, but also of how far I have come in the last 10 years. Looking at 1998 makes me realize just how much I have accomplished and how much my life has changed...
Not the best use of photoshop but it will do :)
Not the best use of photoshop but it will do :)
An now for my current progress pictures...drumroll please...
Monday, March 10, 2008
More Than a Number
Last week I lost 2.5 lbs, making my total for 3 weeks 16 lbs. Each Thursday I visit the clinic and while waiting to see the doctor and do my group sessions, I always end up having conversations with my fellow group members. Last Thursday I was complaining about what seemed like slow weight progress and teasing the men for their much quicker results (I don't need to tell anyone how much easier and faster it is for men to lose weight). I also shared how the doctor told me that I was working out too much and that it was slowing my weight loss progress. At that point it was time for our group session with our trusty psychologist and one of the new members who hadn't started the program commented on how she was afraid of starting the program because she loved working out and was worried she wouldn't lose the weight like she wanted if she continued to work out. I realized at that point that she had heard me complaining and was not very happy with myself. Why am I so obsessed with a number on the scale? Why can't I focus on the other wins?
The truth is I do have a slight obsession with the scale and I have been weighing myself every day since I started the program...okay maybe sometimes twice a day. I think there are benefits to weighing yourself every day if you are on maintenance, but not so much if your emotions are affected by a number on a scale. Last week when I saw that 1 lb gain I was devasted, even though I am intelligent enough to know that there are many factors that actually affect your weight and it will not only fluctuate throughout the day, but daily even on an 800 calorie diet. I noticed more food cravings last week and had to stop myself from falling off the wagon and just saying f-it. I know it is only 1 lb, but that is what simple numbers do to me. The scale is an indication of my success and it is difficult to not see more progress when I am following a program to the letter.
I sat down yesterday and decided to put some logic to my weight loss. I am a total spreadsheet geek (I think I have spent too much time studying for my Decision and Information Analysis class this term) and so I created a formula to estimate my weekly weight loss. This is in no way scientifically proven, but it was my attempt to provide logic to my expectations. Without going into too much detail, I basically figured out how many calories I would consume in a week to maintain my weight (aka BMR- basil metabolic rate), how many calories I was consuming a week on optifast, subtracted the difference and then divided by 3500 calories which is the calorie deficit you need to create to lose a pound. I got 3.56 and I figured out that number will go down as I lose weight because my BMR will change. What does all of this tell me? Essentially it tells me that I can only expect to lose an average of 3.5 lbs a week until my weight significantly changes and then it will be less. It tells me that I need to get over myself and my disapointment with lower numbers because the more you weigh the quicker you will lose (back to the BMR theory).
My trainer convinced me that I needed to stop weighing myself everyday and so I enlisted the support of my boyfriend who completely agrees with her and hid the scale from me. It seems pretty ridiculous to resort to that, but I know myself so I had to give up control to him. I negotiated a bi-weekly weigh in for two weeks and then I have to go to once a week. I love the support T gives me and the fact that he still finds me adorable despite all my neurosis.
In my class this week we talked about the importance of support and being able to ask for what you need from other people. That is really tough for me, but I have noticed that the older I get and the more I am able to trust, the better I am getting at asking for support. I shared how lucky I am to have such a great support system in my life from T who continues to help me innovate my recipes and share in my journey everyday and encourage me when I am tired, to my sister who listens everyday and knows me better than I know myself and believes in me despite my failures in the past, my trusted coworkers (the few I admire) who ask me every week about my progress and are truly happy for my success, my on-line supporters of my blog, my trainer who is always willing to push me past my f-point and call me on my bs, my fellow group members who share their strategies and bits and pieces of their lives and heartaches, and finally my family and friends who I choose to my make my family because of their unconditional love and support.
One member of our group shared his battle to gain support from his family. He lost 180 lbs on his own and joined Optifast to continue his weight loss journey. It broke my heart to hear him tell us that his family is not very supportive of his weight loss because he is now the smallest person (and he weighs well over 350 lbs) and to celebrate his great weight loss for the week they made him homemade biscuits and gravy, knowing that he is on a liquid diet. I am not sure if they were just conditioned to celebrate with food, but it seems that they were trying to sabotage his success because they are unhappy with their own inability to change their lifestyle. J is such an inspiration to me because of his drive and determination to better his life despite not having support from his own family and it makes me realize how much of an advantage I have because of my vast support system.
With that being said, I realize there are more important things in life than a number on a scale and I promise myself to start noticing and appreciating the little things more and more every day .
The truth is I do have a slight obsession with the scale and I have been weighing myself every day since I started the program...okay maybe sometimes twice a day. I think there are benefits to weighing yourself every day if you are on maintenance, but not so much if your emotions are affected by a number on a scale. Last week when I saw that 1 lb gain I was devasted, even though I am intelligent enough to know that there are many factors that actually affect your weight and it will not only fluctuate throughout the day, but daily even on an 800 calorie diet. I noticed more food cravings last week and had to stop myself from falling off the wagon and just saying f-it. I know it is only 1 lb, but that is what simple numbers do to me. The scale is an indication of my success and it is difficult to not see more progress when I am following a program to the letter.
I sat down yesterday and decided to put some logic to my weight loss. I am a total spreadsheet geek (I think I have spent too much time studying for my Decision and Information Analysis class this term) and so I created a formula to estimate my weekly weight loss. This is in no way scientifically proven, but it was my attempt to provide logic to my expectations. Without going into too much detail, I basically figured out how many calories I would consume in a week to maintain my weight (aka BMR- basil metabolic rate), how many calories I was consuming a week on optifast, subtracted the difference and then divided by 3500 calories which is the calorie deficit you need to create to lose a pound. I got 3.56 and I figured out that number will go down as I lose weight because my BMR will change. What does all of this tell me? Essentially it tells me that I can only expect to lose an average of 3.5 lbs a week until my weight significantly changes and then it will be less. It tells me that I need to get over myself and my disapointment with lower numbers because the more you weigh the quicker you will lose (back to the BMR theory).
My trainer convinced me that I needed to stop weighing myself everyday and so I enlisted the support of my boyfriend who completely agrees with her and hid the scale from me. It seems pretty ridiculous to resort to that, but I know myself so I had to give up control to him. I negotiated a bi-weekly weigh in for two weeks and then I have to go to once a week. I love the support T gives me and the fact that he still finds me adorable despite all my neurosis.
In my class this week we talked about the importance of support and being able to ask for what you need from other people. That is really tough for me, but I have noticed that the older I get and the more I am able to trust, the better I am getting at asking for support. I shared how lucky I am to have such a great support system in my life from T who continues to help me innovate my recipes and share in my journey everyday and encourage me when I am tired, to my sister who listens everyday and knows me better than I know myself and believes in me despite my failures in the past, my trusted coworkers (the few I admire) who ask me every week about my progress and are truly happy for my success, my on-line supporters of my blog, my trainer who is always willing to push me past my f-point and call me on my bs, my fellow group members who share their strategies and bits and pieces of their lives and heartaches, and finally my family and friends who I choose to my make my family because of their unconditional love and support.
One member of our group shared his battle to gain support from his family. He lost 180 lbs on his own and joined Optifast to continue his weight loss journey. It broke my heart to hear him tell us that his family is not very supportive of his weight loss because he is now the smallest person (and he weighs well over 350 lbs) and to celebrate his great weight loss for the week they made him homemade biscuits and gravy, knowing that he is on a liquid diet. I am not sure if they were just conditioned to celebrate with food, but it seems that they were trying to sabotage his success because they are unhappy with their own inability to change their lifestyle. J is such an inspiration to me because of his drive and determination to better his life despite not having support from his own family and it makes me realize how much of an advantage I have because of my vast support system.
With that being said, I realize there are more important things in life than a number on a scale and I promise myself to start noticing and appreciating the little things more and more every day .
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Is Food an Addiction?
I have been struggling the last few days and the desire to eat has almost overcome my ability to say no. It seems strange to me that the first few weeks were so easy and that on week three I would struggle so much. I have been reflecting on these desires for the last few days and I have come to realize that I am addicted to food. Many people argue that food cannot be an addiction, including the psychologist at my meeting last week, but let me explain.
It all started on Saturday when I had to go to an all day review session and then meeting with my study group. At one point everyone around me was eating potato chips (cheezy poofs even) and I was okay until they went for the tortilla chips and spinach and artichoke dip. Damn the dip!!! I made it through the day but Sunday was just as difficult. It started in the morning when I woke up and weighed myself and the freakin scale said I had gained a pound. Are you kidding me? I drink nothing but 800 calories a day and I gained a pound. WTF??? It didn't help that I was missing my man (he was out of town for an interview) and anxious (not sure why) and I literally had to leave the house for a little bit so that I wouldn't eat. Seeing that one pound gain on the scale devestated me and triggered this immense desire to drown my sorrows in food. I know just how ridiculous that sounds, but when you are on such a restrictive diet one pound seems like ten. It made me realize how much my emotions are tied to a ridiculous number and how I have such a propensity to sabotage myself.
So why do I think I am addicted to food? When I was at my heaviest I couldn't just have a handful of chips, or a slice of pizza, or quite frankly a taste of anything. I couldn't stop myself until the food was gone. It took many (more than 5) years for me to change my eating habits and still to this day I struggle with being able to walk away from food. I have constant internal battles with myself over meals and what to eat or snacks throughout the day such as a chip or a carrot. I have real emotional connections with what I eat and don't eat. I have equated food with happiness and fullfilment and togetherness and security and it is the one thing that has been constant in my life -- no matter how much I learn about nutrition and calories and fat and carbs, I still have to battle the desire to eat a Big Mac or Pizza or Meximelt from Taco Bell. I've often wondered how someone with so much knowledge and determination can have such irrational behavoir when it comes to food. Why would someone who knows that consuming too many calories and carbs is nutritional suicide and still do it? Who's to say, but I still did it when I was stressed, or sad, or bored, or to celebrate. Eating foods I knew were bad for me made me feel good for a little while - but that's the catch -- for a little while.
But is that an addicition? Are fatty foods my drug of choice? Some doctors these days think so - that food has become as addictive to some people as alcohol or cigarettes to others. What a lot of researchers are finding is that obesity, which once was thought to be a condition of the gastrointestinal tract - the stomach - now may be more of a psychological or neurological issue. Yep, that's right: The brain may be the culprit. Certain physicians believe that something in the brain of an obese person reacts to food, just as it would to other addictive substances. Food addiction is kind of a new term used to describe the compulsive or excessive craving for food to comfort the soul. Not only can this addiction be characterized by eating abnormal amounts of food (an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting, for instance) but the foods these "addicts" crave are not very healthy. When was the last time anyone said, "Gosh, I'd love to have a raw carrot right now!" or "I could really go for some steamed broccoli!" Not going to happen. Nutritionists have found that most people who are overweight tend to crave high-fat, high-calorie foods, which pack on the pounds. Studies have also shown that certain people who undergo bariatric surgery turn to other addictive habits after their operation, trading one addiction for another. So it becomes a vicious cycle. How to stop it? Doctors don't know, but they are researching ways to curb these cravings. There are also studies that show the withdrawal of food causes withdrawal symptoms in rats similair to drug addictions.
One article from USA Today cited:
Some studies focus on dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain associated with pleasure and reward. "Impaired function of the brain dopamine system could make some people more vulnerable to compulsive eating, which could lead to morbid obesity," Volkow says. She did groundbreaking research in this area while at the U.S. Department of Energy's Brookhaven (N.Y.) National Laboratory.
For some compulsive eaters, the drive to eat is so intense that it overshadows the motivation to engage in other rewarding activities, and it becomes difficult to exercise self-control, she says. This is similar to the compulsion that an addict feels to take drugs, she says. "When this occurs, the compulsive eating behavior can interfere with their well-being and their health."
Some experts say addiction is not the root of obesity and that food addiction is an overused term. They note there isn't enough research to prove that people are addicted to food and that people who turn to other addictions after treating their obesity with surgery may have addictive personalities, but that's not the driving force for obesity. These physicians say most obese people just don't know how to eat properly. They binge, they cut back, they go on diet after diet after diet. They splurge, feel guilty - the whole nine yards. They're not in control of their eating patterns. Obesity experts find that behavior modification and nutritional guidance usually help many obese patients lose enough weight to help them avoid certain illnesses, like type 2 diabetes and heart disease. So it's really more a life change than treating addiction.
Another exerpt from the article:
Although there is no official definition of food addiction, Gold defines it in much the same way as other substance dependence: "Eating too much despite consequences, even dire consequences to health; being preoccupied with food, food preparation and meals; trying and failing to cut back on food intake; feeling guilty about eating and overeating."
He believes some foods are more addictive than others. "It may be that doughnuts with high fat and high sugar cause more brain reward than soup."
Others pooh-pooh the idea of food addiction. "This is a dumbing down of the term 'addiction,' " says Rick Berman, executive director of the Center for Consumer Freedom, a group financed by the restaurant and food industry. "The term is being overused. People are not holding up convenience stores to get their hands on Twinkies.
"Lots of people love cheesecake and would eat it whenever it's offered, but I wouldn't call that an addiction," he says. "The issue here is the intensity of people's cravings, and those are going to differ."
As for me, I did lifestyle modification and even when I was gaining weight I exercised most days. Despite all those great lifestyle changes there are still days where instead of thinking of whole grain cereal and raisins, my head keeps telling me that spinach and artichoke dip would be good. Thinking about food is like a pounding obsession -- a hammer beating my head that is driving no nail. I hate food somedays and hate not being in control and allowing the demon of eating to take over me. Although I have never robbed anyone to feed my crack like addiction to food, I continued to practice bad eating habits knowing that I have a disease that can be controlled by what I eat -- for now atleast.
I am sure there will always be debates about food as an addiction because most people think being fat is a lack of self control and activity. Maybe that is true for some people, but as a most of the time healthy eater and avid exercise particpant--but still overweight, I will always beg to differ. Everyday I am on the Optifast program gives me strength and knowledge about my abilities to control my food behavoirs. It's not easy and I know that it will always be a struggle, but I am enjoying learning about myself on my journey as a work in progress!
It all started on Saturday when I had to go to an all day review session and then meeting with my study group. At one point everyone around me was eating potato chips (cheezy poofs even) and I was okay until they went for the tortilla chips and spinach and artichoke dip. Damn the dip!!! I made it through the day but Sunday was just as difficult. It started in the morning when I woke up and weighed myself and the freakin scale said I had gained a pound. Are you kidding me? I drink nothing but 800 calories a day and I gained a pound. WTF??? It didn't help that I was missing my man (he was out of town for an interview) and anxious (not sure why) and I literally had to leave the house for a little bit so that I wouldn't eat. Seeing that one pound gain on the scale devestated me and triggered this immense desire to drown my sorrows in food. I know just how ridiculous that sounds, but when you are on such a restrictive diet one pound seems like ten. It made me realize how much my emotions are tied to a ridiculous number and how I have such a propensity to sabotage myself.
So why do I think I am addicted to food? When I was at my heaviest I couldn't just have a handful of chips, or a slice of pizza, or quite frankly a taste of anything. I couldn't stop myself until the food was gone. It took many (more than 5) years for me to change my eating habits and still to this day I struggle with being able to walk away from food. I have constant internal battles with myself over meals and what to eat or snacks throughout the day such as a chip or a carrot. I have real emotional connections with what I eat and don't eat. I have equated food with happiness and fullfilment and togetherness and security and it is the one thing that has been constant in my life -- no matter how much I learn about nutrition and calories and fat and carbs, I still have to battle the desire to eat a Big Mac or Pizza or Meximelt from Taco Bell. I've often wondered how someone with so much knowledge and determination can have such irrational behavoir when it comes to food. Why would someone who knows that consuming too many calories and carbs is nutritional suicide and still do it? Who's to say, but I still did it when I was stressed, or sad, or bored, or to celebrate. Eating foods I knew were bad for me made me feel good for a little while - but that's the catch -- for a little while.
But is that an addicition? Are fatty foods my drug of choice? Some doctors these days think so - that food has become as addictive to some people as alcohol or cigarettes to others. What a lot of researchers are finding is that obesity, which once was thought to be a condition of the gastrointestinal tract - the stomach - now may be more of a psychological or neurological issue. Yep, that's right: The brain may be the culprit. Certain physicians believe that something in the brain of an obese person reacts to food, just as it would to other addictive substances. Food addiction is kind of a new term used to describe the compulsive or excessive craving for food to comfort the soul. Not only can this addiction be characterized by eating abnormal amounts of food (an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting, for instance) but the foods these "addicts" crave are not very healthy. When was the last time anyone said, "Gosh, I'd love to have a raw carrot right now!" or "I could really go for some steamed broccoli!" Not going to happen. Nutritionists have found that most people who are overweight tend to crave high-fat, high-calorie foods, which pack on the pounds. Studies have also shown that certain people who undergo bariatric surgery turn to other addictive habits after their operation, trading one addiction for another. So it becomes a vicious cycle. How to stop it? Doctors don't know, but they are researching ways to curb these cravings. There are also studies that show the withdrawal of food causes withdrawal symptoms in rats similair to drug addictions.
One article from USA Today cited:
Some studies focus on dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain associated with pleasure and reward. "Impaired function of the brain dopamine system could make some people more vulnerable to compulsive eating, which could lead to morbid obesity," Volkow says. She did groundbreaking research in this area while at the U.S. Department of Energy's Brookhaven (N.Y.) National Laboratory.
For some compulsive eaters, the drive to eat is so intense that it overshadows the motivation to engage in other rewarding activities, and it becomes difficult to exercise self-control, she says. This is similar to the compulsion that an addict feels to take drugs, she says. "When this occurs, the compulsive eating behavior can interfere with their well-being and their health."
Some experts say addiction is not the root of obesity and that food addiction is an overused term. They note there isn't enough research to prove that people are addicted to food and that people who turn to other addictions after treating their obesity with surgery may have addictive personalities, but that's not the driving force for obesity. These physicians say most obese people just don't know how to eat properly. They binge, they cut back, they go on diet after diet after diet. They splurge, feel guilty - the whole nine yards. They're not in control of their eating patterns. Obesity experts find that behavior modification and nutritional guidance usually help many obese patients lose enough weight to help them avoid certain illnesses, like type 2 diabetes and heart disease. So it's really more a life change than treating addiction.
Another exerpt from the article:
Although there is no official definition of food addiction, Gold defines it in much the same way as other substance dependence: "Eating too much despite consequences, even dire consequences to health; being preoccupied with food, food preparation and meals; trying and failing to cut back on food intake; feeling guilty about eating and overeating."
He believes some foods are more addictive than others. "It may be that doughnuts with high fat and high sugar cause more brain reward than soup."
Others pooh-pooh the idea of food addiction. "This is a dumbing down of the term 'addiction,' " says Rick Berman, executive director of the Center for Consumer Freedom, a group financed by the restaurant and food industry. "The term is being overused. People are not holding up convenience stores to get their hands on Twinkies.
"Lots of people love cheesecake and would eat it whenever it's offered, but I wouldn't call that an addiction," he says. "The issue here is the intensity of people's cravings, and those are going to differ."
As for me, I did lifestyle modification and even when I was gaining weight I exercised most days. Despite all those great lifestyle changes there are still days where instead of thinking of whole grain cereal and raisins, my head keeps telling me that spinach and artichoke dip would be good. Thinking about food is like a pounding obsession -- a hammer beating my head that is driving no nail. I hate food somedays and hate not being in control and allowing the demon of eating to take over me. Although I have never robbed anyone to feed my crack like addiction to food, I continued to practice bad eating habits knowing that I have a disease that can be controlled by what I eat -- for now atleast.
I am sure there will always be debates about food as an addiction because most people think being fat is a lack of self control and activity. Maybe that is true for some people, but as a most of the time healthy eater and avid exercise particpant--but still overweight, I will always beg to differ. Everyday I am on the Optifast program gives me strength and knowledge about my abilities to control my food behavoirs. It's not easy and I know that it will always be a struggle, but I am enjoying learning about myself on my journey as a work in progress!
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