"Honey I have a secret to tell you"
"Ooookkkay, what is it?"
"I cheated today."
"What?!?"
"The plantain chips that have been sitting in the kitchen finally got to me and I just had to have something salty and crunchy. I ate 10 and of them and then threw the rest away."
"Why didn't you just eat strawberries, you were doing so good"
"Because I wanted salty and crunchy and strawberries aren't either"
Before T came home I struggled with admitting my failure because I had convinced myself if I didn't say it outloud it didn't really happen. I realized that the only way I could get over the slip was to talk to him about it. He said that if he were a mean person he would give me a hard time but instead he wanted to be supportive and so he made me pinky swear that I wouldn't cheat again. T knows what a big deal pinky swears are to me and he knew that if I did a pinky swear with him I wouldn't go back on my word- it was the best way he knew to support me because I felt terrible!! A pinky swear is something I use to tell if someone is telling me the truth or to hold them to a promise -- if you break it, I am through with you.
I made it over a month without ever cheating and I am proud of that. I also realize that I only ate 10 plantain chips and the bags have been sitting on my breakfast nook since January and so for 3 months I walked away from them. I am taking the other bag and hiding it in a cabinet. This is one of the tactics I learned in my last class.
The other tactics I learned were
1) Distinguish between emotional and physical hunger (I knew I was emotionally hungry but I ate anyway)
2) Cue control - avoid, delay, substitute, and distract (I did avoid and delay, but there was no choice of substitution and I didn't delay)
3) Mindfulness in eating (I simply lost my mind!)
These tactics all boil down to breathing and relaxing because the higher your level of arousal the more vulnerable you are. I can't say that I'll be perfect but I am always learning and striving to put the things I learn into practice.
