Geeesh! I barely have time these days to even breathe so I am having to make an extra effort to blog since it is so important for me to remember these times. (whine whine whine)
Mondays are my weekly personal weigh-in day and yesterday I reached a new milestone in my life. I weighed 184 which is officially my lowest adult weight ever (probably since I was 15 years old). I couldn't believe it - I just stared at the scale in awe. It's funny how it was less climatic than I had imagined it before. Although, the best part of my day was when my trainer, who I absolutely adore, was so excited for me that she actually did a cartwheel in the middle of the gym. Usually it's me making strange noises or faces and causing a scene - but not this time!
The truth is that although I am very proud of myself, my mind still has not caught up with my body. I still feel like I weigh a lot more than I do and it is hard to not still feel fat. Although I can now wear a size 12 and sometimes 10 and I am officially out of plus sizes again, I still am conscious of my middle that I affectionately think of as my muffin top (although now it is a half eaten muffin top!). As one of my group members so insightfully said: "it takes a long time to drain the deep end of the pool" and I am just waiting for my deep end to drain - my arms, legs, and face are making great strides, but not so much on the middle. I honestly hate my middle fat and I hope that as I continue to lose weight my mind will finally catch up with my body and feel fit and fabulous. I don't want to be so hard on myself and I want to revel in my fabulous accomplishment (Why, as women, are we so hard on ourselves anyway?) I could probably write a novel on that topic, but for now I have to go study for my 1st classes of my second term. It's pathetic that I haven't even been to a class yet for this new term, but I had major readings and analysis to do in all four of the classes. Blah!
About Me
- April
- I decided to join the world of bloggers because I want to be able to look back during my journey to better health and remember why I started. I want to remember how my life changed and to see my different perspectives during the process. Now I am writing to capture the memories of a year of definite change and the potential move to Al Ain, UAE - that's right, the middle east!
3 comments:
April, congrats on reaching your milestone! It feels great, doesn't it?
I have just finished reading Martha Beck's 4-Day Win and I highly recommend it to anyone who is dieting, thinking about dieting or has ever dieted and now struggles to maintain their weight. I've had so many a-ha moments and for once feel like there is a way for me to maintain my weight loss without being so obsessed about it. It's hugely powerful.
Congrats again. Be kind to yourself. And be patient with your mind/body connection. Just be gentle and nurture it.
April this month I am focusing on saying thank you when someone gives me a compliment. I also remind my sister, friends and mom to do the same. Why should we pick ourselves apart instead of just taking the compliment. We are so hard on ourselves. I am trying to treat my body like I would if she were my daughter's body. I would never say anything bad about a little girls body because i would want her to respect and love herseld just the way she is. Why can i do that for others but not for myself? I am trying. But every day is a struggle.
Be proud of your accomplisments girl! You have a lot to be proud of.
i love the analogy of draining the deep end of the pool- its perfect.
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